I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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