whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
