Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
