If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
