Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
