Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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