We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
