I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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