they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
