i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
