People with herpes should wear stickers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
