Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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