How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
