I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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