It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
