got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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