Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
His nipple licking is glorious
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