HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
