it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
