I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
