Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
