i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
