Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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