ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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