does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
