Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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