you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
