What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
