I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
