and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
