i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
