rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
