i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
