is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
