Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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