I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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