This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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