HIV tests are more positive than that guy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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