She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
