omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I party with great urgency now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
