Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
