i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
