She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
