he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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