my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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