i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
