Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
