Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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