i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
