Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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