Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
