I feel great
I just peed on a car
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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