After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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