2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
