We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
