if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
