it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
