Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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